Quelques brèves citées par The Saker. Probablement puisées sur l'internet russe.
6. The Defense Ministers of Russia and Israel plan to hold the joint training of the Russian Federation and the Israeli air forces.
The training program includes:
1. Emergency landing of Israeli aircrafts on bases and airfields in an event they see the aircrafts of the Russian federation on the horizon.
2. Immediate ejection of the pilots of the Israeli F-15 in the event of failure of the system identification “friend or foe” when flying within range of the S-300F Fort sea basing.
3. A short course of the Russian language by memorizing phrases: “Don’t shoot! We are not terrorists. We are the pilots of the Israeli air force!” and “What are you guys doing? My woman is from Saratov!,” in case of successful ejection in the area of deployment of Russian military bases.
The United States military resolutely refused from concerting with this program stating: “Not to worry. American women will give birth to many more American pilots!” “Glory to America!”
7. Questions for Armenian Radio:
Q. Why are anecdotes about Poroshenko so funny, and anecdotes about Putin so dull?
A: Because the anecdotes about Putin are being translated from English.
8. I sat down to read a Ukrainian history textbook and ended up crying uncontrollably: “You will pay for all those dinosaurs, damn Moskals!”
13. A banderivets (a Bandera follower) comes home from Maidan He sees a working electric bulb at the entrance to his apartment building. He had forgotten the last time he saw a working electric bulb. A terrible feeling of an impending doom comes upon him. An elevator was out of order since he was a teenager and Ukraine gained independence. He pressed the button and the elevator door opened. “Something is wrong.” a banderivets thinks. “It’s a trap. This is not going to end well.” He walks inside of his apartment and sees his wife cooking something on a gas stove. Electrics and gas are working!. The banderivits panics. He rushes to the bathroom and turns on the water faucets. His worst feelings confirmed, cold and hot water are both running. The banderivets’ short skinny legs give up and he slides down the bathroom wall, whispering, ” That’s it. I knew that. We are occupied by the Moskals.”
16. In January 2014, the new Kiev authorities issued an official statement that the Russian Black Sea Fleet should not be located on the territory of Ukraine any longer. The Russian authorities promised that after March 16th, 2014 the Black Sea Fleet won’t be located on the Ukrainian territory.
17. I was drinking with a bunch of Russians last night. The whole night they were telling anecdotes about Russia and laughed. The whole night they were telling me that Russia is a country of bad roads and fools. After I finally agreed with them in the morning, they kicked my ass.
19. In 90s Russia asked for food from the US. In 2015 Russia destroys food from the US. It’s all you have to know about the Yeltsin’s “democracy,” and Putin’s “regime.”
20. – Tell me, please, is it true that in Russia people walk bears on the streets?
– No, that’s not true. Those are not bears, they are the Russian hamsters.
22. It’s easy to become a Kremlin’s Agent. You just have to start speaking the truth.
28. Marina Solovieva: Imagine if you were given a choice between saving two million people from the devastation of war and death, and French cheese, and you would choose cheese. It’s all you have to know about the liberals in Russia.
30. Ukraine is the only country in the world that has a cult of personality of the president of a foreign country.
31. If you feel that your parents own you something, you are a teenager. If you feel that Russia owns you something, you are an opposition. If you feel that the whole world owns you something, you are a Ukrainian.
34. Short history of Ukraine – 2014. Idiots toppled their government, and elected morons, who took huge credits, which idiots will have to pay back. And it’s all Russia’s fault.
36. Ukrainians to Russians: We will never be brothers.
Russians to Ukrainians: OK, fine, we got it.
Ukrainians to Russians: Now, you have to restructure our debt to you.
Ukrainians: Damn Moskals. And you call yourselves our brothers!
37. Casino “Europe”: Greece meets Ukraine at the entrance.
– Where are you going?
– To “Europe” I want to gamble.
– I have already done gambling.
– How was it?
– Don’t you see? I lost everything, but my panties
– Wow. I always wanted to wear this kind of panties.
38. Ukraine announced about creation of dry-land fleet. Next, they will start building an underground aviation.
40. Poroshenko said, that the unique quality of the Ukrainian nation is that after each color revolution life in Ukraine becoming worse and worse, but that doesn’t stop the Ukrainians.
41. Name two “states,” where they destroy monuments, execute captured civilians and soldiers, and still get aid from the US. (Ukraine, ISIS)
45. Meanwhile in Israel:
– What’s going on in the Ukraine?
– The Ukraine is in war with Russia.
– No f..k! How is it going?
– Well, the Ukraine lost two million civilians, Crimean peninsula, several fighter jets, helicopters, thousands of military, hundreds of tanks, and artillery, and two provinces of about 7.5 million people are ready to re-unite with Russia.
– What about the Russians?
– You wouldn’t believe this, Bennie, but they never showed up for this war.
46. Rabbi from Mukachevo died and went to see his Creator.
– Where were you born? – asks God.
– In Astro-Hungary, said Rabbi.
– Where did you go to heder (school)?
– In Czechoslovakia.
– Where did you get married?
– In Hungary.
– Where your first child was born?
– In the Third Reich
– Where were your grandkids born?
– In the USSR.
– And, where did you die?
– In Ukraine.
– My good Rabbi, – said God – You traveled a lot during your lifetime.
– Not at all, Rabbi responded. I never left my town.
47. Several OSCE cars were burned down in Donetsk on August 9th, 2015. Whose fault was it? Nicolai Starikov said that since Donetsk people bombed themselves, it means that the OSCE cars were burned by OSCE itself.
48. Burning down vehicles of the OSCE was a terrible crime against blind and deaf people.
51. In fall 1938 Hitler grabbed a part of the territory of Czechoslovakia. In fall of 1938 Poland grabbed a part of territory of Czechoslovakia. Hitler was called an aggressor, but what was Poland?
53. In Russia liberal grant-eaters scream that in Syria Russia bombs the innocent US money.